A Strange Phone Call …

So, about a month or two, or even more (I am not so sure because I and didn’t really care to be honest, I got a strange phone call.
It went something like this:
Me – Hello
Them – Hello, is this John (Last name blanked out as to protect the innocent)
Me – Yes (Insert reaching for the hang up button)
Them – Where you by chance married to a Jennifer (Last name left out as to show no ties toward her in an attempt to forget that part of my life, and to keep her bill collecting agencies off my tail …)
Me – (Insert WTF thoughts) Yes, I was … (She must be dead, I can have my dog back!)
Them – Hi, do you have a minute or two so that I can talk to you, I am her soon to be X-mother-in-law?
Me – (Thoughts of I guess this means she isn’t dead, and I am not getting my old dog back) Sure, what’s up?

Long story short, this woman tells me that Jen is married, still playing Every Quest on an upwards of 8+ hours a day.
They have 2 children, loosing another during a pregnancy.
Is on all kinds of medications and still doesn’t have a job.
Causing her to gain even more weight, and calling for her to take more drugs for depression.
She has also cheated on her husband and left him taking the children.
The worst thing I found out though was, that there youngest child was allergic to Dogs and they gave away my dog to some stranger’s … yea, not so happy about this one.
Considering one of the agreements was that if anything ever came up I got her back!
I was also informed that I was abusive, and controlling.
Not letting her leave the house, or ever see her friends and family.
Saying that she finally ran away one day when I left for work … yeppers, wow I was a jerk, I would have left me too!

I get asked all kinds of strange questions like if I have heard form her or know where she is … and of course I say no because why in the world would she contact me, I’m the abusive & controlling X?

So then this strange woman asks if I will write up a letter saying how she acted and what brought our relationship to an end, as in regards to the amount of time she devoted to Ever Quest.

The phone call ends and I sit on this for a few hours and when La Wife comes home sees something is wrong and I tell her all about it.
I few hours latter I decided to call the X and tell her about this strange phone call I got …

She informed me that she was on the ‘lamb’ per say because it was in fact her husband who was cheating and threatening her.
I asked about the dog and was informed that she had forgotten … big surprise right?
I then asked about me being controlling, she said I was always trying to make her go to work and never letting her just play Ever Quest … yeppers that’s the same as never letting her leave the house right?
I asked when I was physically abusive to her … yea, she said one time I was very upset and grabbed her and threw her into a hallway door, but that she deserved it … when did I have a place with a hallway with a closet door in it?

I think you get the jest of this … yea this was a weird day in my little world for sure!

I sent them both an E-mail saying thanks for the memories but I would not get involved.
I have been out of the loop for about 7 years and I cannot speak for her as it has been so long … and to leave me alone!

So that’s about it, I wonder how many people she told these things to, and I think I now know why her parents hated me so much.
You people that knew her, and about those times, feel free to post your thoughts and if you think any of what she said was true … or even contradictions to it … you know like I took the keys to her truck and wouldn’t let her drive to work or anything … and how I kept everything of hers refusing to give it back.

For those of you who don’t know, I packed it all up and boxed it for her leaving it in the living room so she could just come in and take it all … she left all kinds of stuff that I latter mailed to her at the cost of a pretty penny or two.
The best part of all of this is … still not the strangest phone call I have received!

Not so proud of this ...

Some times I sit around thinking ‘What is funny?’
As a guy, I know one thing that always makes other guys laugh … that’s right … potty humor … sucks to be the rest of you!
I don’t normally do things like this, so, sit back and enjoy … or move on and be quiet!

The whole reason I am writing and showing the rest of this is for this one picture.
I was at Wally-World with La Wife and low and behold I say this.You see pictures like this all over the web but this is the first time I saw something like this and just had to share … the rest is just fluff that I figured I would throw along with it … themes are good, right?

O come on, Skid resistant!
Thats funny people!!!

In the Army this is the norm, OK not so much but ... thats right, a stupid Thinking Man joke ...


Always an inportant thing to keep in the back of your mind ...

What happens when you realize you parked to far away, and the nearist place to go is 5 miles away ...

For when you are on the move ...

Then, after you are done moving!

When you first realize that she might not be the one ...


Now you know why the Cops didn't drink Coffee that day ...

... and what the female officers did the next day ...

Thats it, sorry but some times things like this just HAVE to be done!

Because it was asked …

At least one of you has asked about Buzz.
OK, so only one of you has in fact asked about Buzz.
So here it is, birds, I think, enjoy flying and being free.
I think I would if I was a bird for a day … then again they more then likely think that having thumbs is a good thing and we don’t even take note of them because they are what they are and we are so used to having them.
What would a dog do if it had thumbs for a day?
Open all of the cabinets and get all of the food, then let it’s self out to run around the neighborhood for hours and hours.
That’s what a dog would do … at least Wonder Dog would!
Most of the other wildlife around here would freak out!
I mean, what would a rabbit or a blue jay do with thumbs?
Speaking of other animals, I have scene a bunch of cardinals and blue jays this year.
Also, raccoons, rabbits, owl’s and a falcon/hawk this week so it has been a good week to go walking with Wonder Dog this week.
Mind you, Wonder Dog hasn’t scene any of them.
Not even the butterfly that landed on her head … she is so the most broken hound doggy!
Well, now that we think about this they did have the mouse with a human ear attached to it’s back.
It looked strange so I am sure thumbs would be very out of place, right?
Monkeys have thumbs … we know that they do!
You know, all the same things a little kid does … hehe
Although monkeys do know how to use there most blessed thumbs for fighting.
Saw a video on that and it was not pretty!
Plus the crazed monkeys are so darn strong!
Speaking of strong creatures with thumbs, I was watching the cartoon Batman and he was fighting a gorilla that was smarted then most humans able to speak and made machines and things.
Now, I do love me some Batman and will put him against any other hero but come on, if a gorilla was to hit him in the head, it would be over!
I, like Batman, am a near perfect specimen of human evolution and pride my knowledge, again like Batman, in my investigation skills and martial arts prowess (HAHA!)
I though, know my limitations and I think that even though I could take out Superman and O so many other super heroes, not just because I know there secrets and would take full advantage of them but also I am just that good, all at the same time know that if a gorilla was to hit me in the head that the fight would not only be over but my secret identity would never be figured out … because my face would be completely demolished including my teeth … also my fingertips would be mysteriously cloaked … yea, that would be my lame power wouldn’t it?
“Hum, we can’t ID him because his fingerprints are blank?”
Yea, I can’t get a cool utility belt, a nifty mask that hides my face, a ring that does … well anything or some cool power to help me fight crime.
Nope I would end up with unidentifiable fingerprints.
This brings up a good point though, what super power would I want?
Flight – That would make travel easy for sure … my luck though I would be able to fly but only at like ½ a normal walking speed.
Super Strength – That for me would be more like I can never turn it off, so if I pick anything up it breaks.
Perfect Health - I already have the super human physical form …
Never Aging – Yea, I would be an infant forever … not working either!
A Cool Magical Item – It would have a draw back like I could only use it every other blue moon or something like that.
A Cool Side Kick – Nope, he would be cooler then me and I would surly turn into the side kick blunder … did you all know that in the current comics Bruce Wayne is dead and that the original Robin, Dick Grayson, has now taken over? Did you all know that there were multiple Robins? One was killed by the Joker (Voted by the people I might add), one was a girl and one was his son … see you all are such losers for not knowing all of this … or am I for knowing it and not reading the comic …
Infra Vision – I live in Florida, everything is hot so that power would suck too. Super Speed – Now that could be cool … but then I would end up with pansy skin and have blisters all the time and would only be able to use my powers for like 10 seconds every other week.
Metal Bones like Wolverine – No, then I would become a hydrophobic.
Mental Powers! – (I mean other then my super intelligent mind now) Hum, able to read minds … I would end up only being able to speak to things like amebas … yea that would be a quick and intelligent conversation “I Live! I eat! I get Sleepy! I die! Next … I Live …”. Then again I could end up with Telekinesis! Then I would just loose my Atlas like body because I would never have to move to do anything. I would need a side kick with super strength to wheel me out to help fight monsters and bad guys. I would be Wheel Barrel Man!
You know, the mind is a strange things … I can’t remember so many things but I remember my sister as a teen’ish writing a story about an ameba that lived in a glass of milk next to her bed … yea that’s how I work people so deal with it and move on already.
Let’s see, O yea, Buzz!
He has been spotted flying short bursts and looks like he might make a full recovery, we are hoping anyway.
He is also living now in a place we call the ‘swill’ room.
It is were we take all the nasty uneaten food and stuff at the end of the day.
It seems to make him happy so we aren’t saying anything about it … that and because it is funny when the inmates keep sending the new guy to open the door and a screaming buzzard starts yelling at them … yea, it’s the little things in the world that make day to day life worth living.
You know, like my Blog!

What’s that Buzz …

I figured that our buzzard friend needed a name.
So, me being of great imagination, I decided to name him Buzz!
Some of you might think after the great first (Fake) man to walk on the moon, but in fact it was because it is the short name version of what he is.
He was atop his little perch once again today.
All alone I might add … and I called La Wife to tell her about him.
She decided I needed to help him out and call animal control or something.
So, I did.
Animal control shows up … Buzz decided to finally move for the first time in a week.
Go figure?
So the trapper and I got to talk and he told me that even if he would have been on his perch in the mid-sky he could not in fact capture him.
That would be my job?
He informed me that I should get a net or a tarp and after I catch him that he would then come back and take him away.
To kill him!
So, I thought long and hard about this and decided.
Buzz, although he might be in pain and missing his friends, is at least close to his friends and getting food.
We think that his wing is working better because he is gliding a little now and then off of his little tower.
I told the nice man who kills things for a living he could go and that we would wait for nature to do what ever it feels is best.
So, much to so many of you alls disapproval, I will not be chasing Buzz with a net or tarp … although I have been thinking about getting a net gun for when ever Wonder Dog escapes …
We can only hope that he gets to feeling better so he can rejoin his ‘friends’ eating the nasty unwanted food of our lands and looking as ugly as ever … or at least die far away so I don’t know what happened to him and can picture him flying around … and so I don’t have to see his friends eating him, yea that would be disturbing!
Cannibalism is cool and don’t think if it comes down to it I am not going to cook a persons leg on a spit, (Would that be dark or light meat?) but I don’t really want to see it with a creature I have now named.

Watching a bird …

Well, once again today I found myself walking around looking at things and thinking about other things.
Wow my job is mind numbing at times!
Then I looked up and saw a bird.
Not just any bird but a turkey buzzard.
Yea, not much of a bird but still a bird none the less and that is the point to this story.
It was sitting up on top of a low tower that it had … wait lets go back a step …
About a week ago we noticed this ugly creature and saw that it was hopping around all over the place with one wing cocked off to its side.
We deduced, because we had nothing better to do that day either, that it had broken its wing in some way.

So now, once again I see the bird and it is now sitting all by it’s self at the top of a short tower that it had hopped up the stairs of to reach.

About 50 feet away stood a water tower that just a week before it would have been sitting with all of it’s ‘friends’ much higher in the air.

(The other buzzards hang out on the rafters on this bigger tower)

It accrued to me then, this guy is all alone, hurt, scared, hungry and sad.
Can a buzzard can be sad?
Why not?
So I started thinking.
This poor guy not only can’t fly but he can’t even get to perch with his friends … who will eat him the second he dies …
He is just trying to get as close to his old ‘home’, and just can’t make it.
This some how bothered me and almost made me think I had feelings.
This made me think of a few movies …
I Robot, were at the end all of the old robots are huddled together in the trailers.
City of Angels, when at the end the fallen angel goes to where he knows his old friends are even though he can’t see them.
The Next Karate Kid, as they try and nourish the hawk back to health.
All of this led me to realize a few things.
1) I have watched a lot of bad movies
2) I feel a lot like this bird!
Just like this guy though, at the end of the day when I am in need of help how many of my ‘friends’ will show up to help me or leave me alone to starve and die all by myself.
Then eat me …
Then after I do kick the proverbial bucket they would all then act like they did care, and say how they did everything they could but it just wasn’t enough … hypocrites and liars!
Just like so many church going folk I might add!

Just so you know, we tried feeding the bird but it ran away from us.
What do you expect from a creature hated, hurt and afraid …

This Blog really doesn’t have much of a point.
It’s just been over a week and this is what is on my mind today, so I am sharing.
Just like they told me I should do in school to make friends … I hope they don’t eat me!

Just like my littlest niece said … I am not a cookie!